So, I really should be doing my reading right now for class tomorrow, but I thought it was time to finally address this ever growing angst I feel about the “future”.
I have changed my major too many times than I am comfortable sharing. And not just that, I switch up how I see myself living after college basically every month or two. One day I’m like “yeah! Im gonna start a church!” Next day I’m like well, what even is a church? Then I’m like I just want to love people and live in a hut. Next day I’m like I could just open a coffee shop and live in Oregon. (The Oregon part has been the only idea that has stayed shining bright), or do everything and just change jobs every ten years or so.
But today, as I climbed up a muggy hike and looked over at the valley, I was stopped by some really hilarious thing about God that often – OFTEN – I forget.
And here it is:
I don’t know the fricken plan, and I’m not supposed to.
Usually when people ask me what I “want to do with my life” I chuckle slightly because I think this is such a ridiculous phrase. As if life is just some giant multicolor tabbed planner that you can outline what job you are gonna get and where you will be and who you will marry, and geeze, even as I am thinking about it I’m overwhelmed.
All I know is one thing, one. I love God. Like from my insides, I just vomit this feeling of peace that whatever He wants I’m gonna do, and I am so excited to see what that is.
And this is because when I was so so far gone from Him (well I thought I was), He still chased after me and honestly saved my life so many times that I am silenced by his grace.
So now that I have given my life to Him, I guess I don’t really even need to say what I am gonna do with my life, because it’s not mine.
And to still that always creepin’ fear of the unknown, I will plaster this verse on my wall, mirror, water bottle, computer, body (sorry dad) so that I never forget the truth and freedom that is living in the light of eternity.
Matthew 6:27-29 (NASB)
27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
keyword: SPIN! Like seriously picture that, a bird just in mid air chasing its tail and flying hastily in circles trying to massacre some worm for grub.
God is too good. He asks us to look at such a small, dainty animal to see how we are supposed to approach worry. He’s funny.
So, please if you ask me what I am doing with my life and I tell you that I do not know, it is not because I am lost in this really odd system of work and purpose as a confused, rebellious millennial in 2016.
I simply am trusting that if I unclench my fists, and open up to see what can happen, that it’s gonna be ok. Because God is good and that’s that.
Ok. I will do my reading now, don’t worry mom.
Sincerely, Brain Fuzz