It’s the fizzing that won’t silence, the bubbles blowing up inside me ready to burst.
It’s the glimmer of hope that’s growing so large you need to shield your eyes away from it.
It’s getting bigger now, and I can’t control it.
Nope not love for a significant other, but for life.
Love for the unknown, for the uncharted, the mystery, the surprise of it all.
I used to worry, heck just kidding I still do all the time.
I think about the next paper I have on my plate, the test coming up, the side dish of “what should I do with my life?”, the dessert of “you need to start planning now for your future”.
It becomes overwhelming to look at it all, and wonder how in the world can I swallow this much worry?
You see I started this drug called worry when I was a freshman in college, well I kind of took it in college but increased the dosage as I got older. It was addicting, to worry, to stress, to freak out, to panic. Most times I can’t control it, because I became so used to it, to the feeling.
As I sit at the middle of my college education I am stuck with this drug and for the first time in a while I don’t want it.
I want to be free of worry; yes I know this is isn’t completely possible because I am as they call h u m a n. But I want to try to wean myself of it as much as I can.
So I started to read articles about how to worry less and live in freedom, I read verses, I prayed, I did it all. What I found was that the cure to this addiction is to cut the problem at its root, to stop taking the pill. But you can’t stop all at once, you will go into shock and it won’t last. Slowly, though you start to correct your thoughts when you know they’re about to go down the road of panic.
When I begin to worry if the major I chose will get me a job, I tell myself that in time I will get a job and I must have faith in that. I had to start teaching myself the opposite of what the drug, worry, was telling me. I had to live life sober, raw, real, understanding the possible failures but hoping nonetheless.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that living in freedom; something I know I desire but don’t actually do is to live through the worry. Cutting off the drug means when the worry pops up I must talk my way through it. I must walk through the valley of the shadow of death and know God is with me in the mess.
It’s a feeling unlike any other, the feeling of freedom, of love for life. This love only came when I stopped thinking about all the ways things could go wrong. Or at least I talked my way out of that thought when I did start going down that road.
I’m not saying life is easy this way, that everything is peachy and wonderful. But maybe we start to fall in love with the mess because we know it is being redeemed. I know now the struggles I have to walk with, aren’t trapping me to walk in them alone.
It’s time to let go of the drug of worry.
Freedom is waiting for you.